Dodgy Geezer is a carpet salesman found in the park, in Fleur de Lys Village. Simon describes him as 'a shifty looking bloke selling bric-a-brac'. He claims to be selling priceless goods for very cheap because of the recession.

He attempts to sell Simon some antique priceless porcelain figurines, hand crafted by the ancient ones of Grerl, and also the magical items consisting of a strength potion and an invisibility amulet. However, they aren't really magical as they are demonstrated with a rubber 'steel' bar and a mirror with no glass. He also claims to have sold his last hint book for the game five minutes before meeting Simon, and a dodgy salesmen repellent sold a week ago.

He is unable to sell anything, but Simon offers him a gem which he identifies as dwarven and colour-changing. He is negotiated into paying 20 gold coins for it, then mysteriously vanishes to put the gem somewhere safe and is not seen again.