The Nubile Valkyries are two attractive female warriors from the far northern steppes. They claim to have journed through the perilous wastelands of Kring, pausing only to defeat the evil tribe of Wedgie the Merciless (Wedgey). They passed across the plains of Death and the fields of Doom, where they liberated the city of Tormer (Tormir) from the Dark Hordes of Kaleesh (Kalish), and are preparing to attack the Sorcerer's tower and save the world again (though they have stopped for a drink in the Drunken Druid). They claim to have always used brute force to achieve their aims but may need the Druid's help to attack the tower.

Simon questions both of them, ostensibly for a wizard's magazine, and finds out that they killed their first goblin at the age of four and liberated their first city at the age of seven, they are unmarried, have measurements of 38 22 34 and 36 24 34, like killing things and drinking a lot (and also needlework and decorative embroidery), get their armour from BattleDwarf Forge in Northgate (which they wear in bed), they're second in the barbarian tag team first division (and still in the running for the dismembered orc trophy), their hair is died by orc blood and troll brains, and for breakfast they eat goblin flakes and orc eyes (sunny side up). They pledged to rid the land of orcs, but thinking this was too easy, they decided to attempt to kill Sordid. However they just stay in the tavern for the duration of the game.