Shopkeeper is the proprietor of the Shoppe in the village of Fleur de Lys. Simon describes him as a 'two headed, punk shopkeeper', as he is entirely green and has two heads: One ginger with glasses, and the other with blue hair and red eyes. According to them, he originally just had the one ginger head but was mucking about with glowing rocks and so the other head sprouted outof his shoulder. The two heads are constantly bickering about where to put items in the shop (such as whether the organic soup goes with the soups or the organic products), who serves customers and when they can go to the toilet. The ginger head would claim he was there first.

He sells a variety of stuff like sweets, cakes, tissues, domestic cleaners, cosmetics, tools, corn, flour, beans, rice, romantic novels, and so on.

When questioned, he is shown to be good at maths but doesn't know who Carmen Miranda is. He supplies both Sordid and the goblins in their fortress with groceries, and sells Simon both a hammer and some white spirit. He also lets Simon gain access to the goblin fortress by sending a package that Simon hides in.